This will be the first guest post on this blog. I came across this post in a private facebook group. It’s written by Anon, who talks about the language they and their partners have worked out to negotiate sexual encounters when both speech and vision are limited. This system has blown my mind, and I will definitely be trying it out myself!
Hi guys I wanted to deliver some news. In the last month I’ve lost almost all of my remaining vision. So I’m almost completely blind barring I’m able to see daylight and night but nothing else. I’m also deaf too and wear hearing aids.
I’ve become active lately, and I wanted to share tips and how communication happens. Especially if I’m with another deaf or blind person or duel sensory impairment.
Communication is very hard for me in the heat of the moment and it’s a mood killer if he or she instructing me and me asking to repeat most of the time. So I’ve come up with a touch language code for the heat of the moment to communicate to me or me with others.
The first communication to indicate and communicate that it’s a safe place to make love is to rub one of my ear lobes. And I to them. And when we are properly ready to begin I always like consent. I’ll touch both his or her ear lobes and if they do the same back it’s a consent.
The second part is the oral signal they would place two fingers on my lips to signal they would like oral and I would do the same back if I want oral also. Either or the receiver would use their hands on the giver head to guide them into the right places and use fingers gestures to what they want. A circle means all around or up and down. Tap one finger to apply more pressure tap two to decrease. The gesture to carry on what I’m doing is hold but no gestures and if they are about to orgasm to grasp tight.
When it comes to sex the touch signal is holding mine or the partner hip. For this we shall do missionary as an example. Once I’m mounted and consent given my partner must guide me in and then we can begin penetrative sex. The signals for harder is my front chest. To touch but slightly grasping. My lower torso means low strength. A higher signal means harder. For speed it’s the same principle but on my back. To signal an orgasm arising I really like the good old fashion digging nails into me or a nice bite. Lol. This is the signal for orgasm during sex.
The most important signal is the stop signal. This signal is given by firmly grasping both my arms at once and squeezing. This stops the activity if something is wrong.
These actions are the basics. My partners and I have worked out a lot more touch signals, including positions, role plays, and much more.
The reason I want to share this is because disabled people like me have needs like everyone else. Sometimes we are afraid to ask for what we want. And I wanted to share an insight into how sensory impairment people like me actively engage in the pursuit of pleasure.
To some this way of doing things is off putting. To some having a secret language entirely by touch is sensual, exciting and much more intimate than words. I wanted to share a basic very basic insight into my world of communication during sex with sensory impairments.
I hope you have enjoyed the education. I’ve certainly enjoyed writing and sharing.
Thank you again to the author for writing up their sexual language, and again for giving permission for it to be shared more broadly.
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